LA: It’s 96 degrees. 81 with the wind chill.
LA: The forecast is partly sunny with a slight chance of a light sand.
LA: Wow, I didn’t know that, Scott. I’m gonna start hanging around you more often.
Scott: Aw man.
LA: Lucky you!
Scott: Sizemore gets hit and he goes down in a heap.
Scott: All I’m watching is cartoons these days.
Scott: Those never-say-die Yankees have tied it up in the ninth. It’s been their defining feature for the 2015 season.
LA: You’ll be glad to hear that it’s snowing back home.
Scott: Why would I be glad to know that?
LA: Because you’re here.
Scott: Well I feel bad for those folks.
LA: You have to say that.
Scott: A lot of names have changed in Atlanta this year. Some were personnel, and some just changed their names!… Don’t call him B.J. Upton anymore.
LA: What should I call him?
Scott: Melvin Upton, Jr.
LA: That’s the thing about playing down here in the spring. You almost always have some kind of wind.
Scott: Usually it’s just you talking.
LA: That’s hot air.
LA: He does a good job of soiling his shirt early.
Scott: That could happen to any of us, Larry.
LA: Is it “tirelessly” or “tiresomely”?
LA: Between us, I’d be Beavis?
LA: Without a score, it’s difficult to call it a scoreboard.
Scott: Good point, Larry. Is that one of your “shallow thoughts”?
Scott: Nothing left but a toothpick to that bat.
LA: He got yammed a little bit.
LA: We’re still undefeated [at 0-0-1].
Scott: Did we get at least a point for yesterday’s tie?
LA: Half a point.
Scott: Better than no point at all. That’s what you normally have.
LA: He doesn’t have very good hand-eye coordination. He went to tap his toes with his bat and he missed both times. If you can’t hit your own toes, you’re probably not going to hit a baseball very good.
LA: Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and see myself in the mirror, I say, “Boy, am I radiant!” I’m so bright sometimes I can’t even look at myself!
LA: If you homer and it doesn’t count, is it a homer?
Scott: The answer would be no.
Scott: Russ Canzler is one of only two players ever in the Major Leagues to have been born in Saudi Arabia.
LA: Do you think he can speak Saudi Arabian?
Scott: What is wrong with you?
Scott: Aaron Harang tied for second last year in Larry’s favorite stat — the quality start.
Scott: The cotton candy man is back [at Steinbrenner Field], and that means I didn’t see that pitch.
LA: Ya know, I figured it out. With my somewhat-disdain of present-day umpires, I just realize that it’s like me in golf. I’m just bad, so why get mad? This group of umpires, as a collective whole, are not good. They’re not gonna get good, so just live with it.
Scott: Did you have your spinach shake today?
Scott: I wonder if our fans would care to place any odds on whether or not this new rationale of yours for umpires holds during the regular season.
LA: Well they got pools for NCAA, so I think they should have one for me.
Scott: Instead of March Madness, we’ll call it March Badness.
Scott: That pitch is thrown over the head of everybody, all the way to the backstop.
LA: I don’t know how that happens.
LA: Are you ready for this final question? It’s a Daily Double.
Scott: How much am I down by?
Scott: I’ll wager $7000.
LA: Who is having trouble getting the ball over and throwing strikes?
Scott: That would be, “Who is Andy Oliver?”
Scott: It’s a foul ball and a souvenir for a lucky fan
LA: A souvenir in the form of a bruise.
Scott: There was all kinds of bad on that play.
Scott: You know you’re not a lock to make the team when your own team misspells your name on the roster.
LA: Maybe the toughest thing about stealing is not getting on base.
Scott: You sure have a lot of electrical devices.
LA: Everything I can plug in, I brought.
Scott: It’s cloudy in the cloud.
LA: Let’s get the jet pack.