Apr 012013

LA: I know it sounds crazy, but Uggla doesn’t care at all if he hits a single. It’s stupid to say — but I’m gonna say it anyway cuz that’s what I do — but he’s like, a single’s as good as a strikeout.

 Posted by at 1:50 am
Apr 012013

Scott: Kratz fouls one back just under us. You didn’t flinch at all.
LA: I worked on that over the offseason.
Scott: Not flinching?
LA: Yeah, just sitting there, doing nothing.

 Posted by at 2:30 am
Apr 032013

LA: Kratz might just put one into the seats.
Scott: Swing and a miss, struck him out.
LA: Or he might just take a seat.

 Posted by at 1:52 am
Apr 032013

Scott: It’s starting to rain a bit here.
LA: We have a mist. Heavy mist.
Scott: Not invisimist? Let us know when that arrives.
LA: I’ll have to. You won’t see it.

 Posted by at 9:00 am
Apr 172013

LA: Back in the day, we called this a good old-fashioned rear-end kicking.
Scott: And what do you call it today? Just a good rear-end kicking?

 Posted by at 2:00 am
Apr 182013

LA: Howard had a base hit to the right side, beyond the infielders, not to the outfielders, but beyond the dirt, but to an infielder.
Scott: How do you score that?
LA: Single to right.

 Posted by at 1:31 am
Apr 192013

Scott: It’s “Bark at the Park” night here in Cincinnati, and I bet all these dogs didn’t like the lightning and thunder here before gametime.
LA: And I bet they didn’t wear their thunder blankets.
Scott: I see you did.

 Posted by at 12:56 am
Apr 192013

LA: Brandon Phillips might be a little sore today.
Scott: Why?
LA: After pounding himself on the chest like a hundred times after last night’s hit.
Scott: He doesn’t lack for confidence.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Apr 202013

Scott: The next contestant in the home-run payoff inning is Larry Monohan of Philadelphia.
LA: I thought you were gonna say me.
Scott: Do you play as often as you like?
LA: No. As often as I can.
Scott: I don’t think you’re eligible.

 Posted by at 1:39 am
Apr 222013

Scott: That’s three of your favorite things: Food, music, and dancing.
LA: They left out one big thing.
Scott: Karaoke?

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Apr 242013

LA: I figured out what I wanna be. An aeronautical imagineer.
Scott: Is there a big market for that?
LA: No. It’s really just dreaming about flying.
Scott: Maybe that’s why you get along so well with my three-year-old.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Apr 242013

Scott: On Saturday, the Phillies face the oft-injured Shaun Marcum. He just can’t stay healthy!
LA: Probably why you called him oft-injured.

 Posted by at 3:00 am
Apr 252013

LA: Did you see the rings around Saturn last night? It was amazing.
Scott: If only I had my “noculators.”
LA: Should’ve borrowed Gus’s.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Apr 252013

LA: These in-between-innings really creep up on ya. They should give us a little heads-up so I know I have to read something.

 Posted by at 2:00 am
Apr 252013

Scott: In the first inning Brian O’nora sprinted off the field with flu-like symptoms.
LA: He “flu” off the field. It was almost invisible.

 Posted by at 3:00 am
Apr 262013

Wheels: Uncle Larry babysitting your child is like a 3-2 changeup. Just makes you shake your head.

[Editor’s note: This is the first legitimately funny thing Wheels has ever said.]

 Posted by at 1:00 am