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Sep 042012
 

LA: We’ve got smart listeners — the smartest in baseball
Scott: But we don’t have the smartest broadcasters. The fans are smart enough to know we’re not the smartest.

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Sep 042012
 

LA: When Howard leads off an inning with a walk or a single, it’s almost like a rally killer. You need three hits to score him.

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Sep 042012
 

LA: The umpires don’t have any idea what they were doing out there, which doesn’t surprise me in the least.
Scott: That was a ridiculously botched call.
LA: They might have to go to replay on everything and do away with umpires altogether.
Scott: I gotta tell ya, that play was so messed up. The baserunners were confused. So were the broadcasters.
LA: So were the umpires.

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Sep 042012
 

Scott: The game’s been around for a long time.
LA: Longer than Wheels even.

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Sep 042012
 

LA: It’s only the bottom of the fifth. I wonder how many more plays the umpires can foul up in this game?

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Sep 072012
 

LA: How can you get turf toe if you don’t play on turf?
Scott: You mean Astroturf? Grass is still turf.
LA: It would be sod toe.
Scott: Sod toe? Got me a bad case of the sod toe. It’s a little different than having a green thumb.

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Sep 072012
 

LA: One thing that would help Jake Diekmann would be someone teaching him how to be in the set position without being a contortionist.

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Sep 102012
 

LA: You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.

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Sep 102012
 

JJ: Mayberry beats a ground ball foul.
LA: The wind really knocked that one down.

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Sep 102012
 

Scott: The bat went flying toward a cameraman, but it looks like the camera took the brunt of the force.
LA: Better the camera than the squash.

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Sep 102012
 

LA: I got distracted.
Scott: What else is new? LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

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Sep 112012
 

Scott: Ya gotta be able to throw hard if you come out of Alvin, Texas. (Nolan Ryan)

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Sep 112012
 

LA: Nolan Ryan was the only guy to approach the manager and say, “Skipper, can you keep Larry Andersen out of my games from now on.”
Scott: If I were him, I would have taken action as well.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 112012
 

Scott: The fan on the field got ejected, and now he’ll have to listen to the rest of the game on the radio. Talk about punishment.

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Sep 112012
 

Scott: You and Sarge are running the IT department here.

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Sep 112012
 

Scott: Mike dunn has given up three walks and a sac fly this inning. I’m thinkin’ this isn’t what Abner Doubleday intended.

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Sep 112012
 

LA: The wild card is a long-shot, but drink your Kool-Ade and keep your fingers crossed.

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Sep 122012
 

LA: The Phanatic’s found a seat in the front row.
Scott: He’s found a seat on someone in the front row.
LA: Dumpin’ popcorn on everybody. He’s annoying.

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Sep 122012
 

Scott: John Buck is one who can hide out in the weeds and then hit one out on ya.

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Sep 122012
 

Scott: Just before that home run, my partner pointed to the right-field seats.
LA: Ya gotta have a feel.
Scott: How do you do it?
LA: Baseball instincts.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 122012
 

Scott: LA is busy playing the bongo cam.
LA: I can do it all!
Scott: You can play the bongos, predict home runs, and leap tall buildings in a single bound.

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Sep 132012
 

LA: Quite frankly, the Astros are not a real good team.

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Sep 132012
 

LA: If you’re gonna have a conversation here at the game, make sure you whisper, because everybody will hear it.
Scott: There are many people here. I’m not sure if there are thousands here.

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Sep 132012
 

Scott: The Astros are interviewing for a new manager. Would you be interested in managing this club?
LA: No.

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Sep 132012
 

Scott: The Rangers have some mashers who can do some damage in Minute Maid Park.

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Sep 132012
 

Scott: Wesley Wright has pitched 45.1 innings in 68 appearances.
LA: He’s overworked.
Scott: Aren’t we all?

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 132012
 

Scott: Aumont is pitching to a crowd with less energy here than he was at Citizens Bank Park. You really gotta keep after it to realize there’s even a ballgame going on down there.

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Sep 142012
 

Scott: Utley never swings at that 3-0 fastball. I wonder if he’ll ever “lion-in-the-weeds” and just ambush it once.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 142012
 

Scott: Ya know how Arizona has a dirt path from home plate to the pitcher’s mound? Houston should have one from the dugout to the mound.
LA: From the bullpen to the mound!

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 142012
 

LA: This year might be one of the toughest paper routes in Houston’s history.

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Sep 152012
 

LA: If I tape the crowd noise, it’ll help me sleep at night.
Scott: It’s kind of a subtle white noise.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 152012
 

LA: The stars at night are big and bright in Washington, too. They just didn’t make a song about it.
Scott: Well it’s also about the prairie sky being high and wide.
LA: Yeah, we don’t have that.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 192012
 

LA: Thought I might have to play that foul ball toward us.
Scott: Glad you didn’t. Wouldn’t want you to have to embarrass yourself.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 192012
 

LA: Charlie likes the way Dom Brown pulls the ball. I like the way he goes the other way.
Scott: I like the way he can please both of you. Keep everybody happy.
LA: I’ve even heard you say that you like the way he goes up the middle.

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Sep 192012
 

Scott: Don’t start with me. Two more weeks…
LA: And you can pick your own friends!

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Sep 192012
 

LA: Ruiz was just showing [home plate umpire] some professional courtesy.
Scott: Maybe someday we’ll have that in the booth.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 192012
 

Scott: I don’t anticipate you’ll be here forever.
LA: If someone had their way, I might not be here now… Gus would miss me.
Scott: That’s a short list, but he’s on it.

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Sep 192012
 

LA: That autograph from Kevin Gregg would fit nicely on my shelf of shame. Right below my wall of fame.

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Sep 192012
 

Scott: Hamels has a hitter’s count now, Larry.
LA: He’s gonna look to turn and burn.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 202012
 

Scott: Fans just have no idea what an app can do with an iDroid.
Sarge: I do.

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Sep 252012
 

LA: I’ll have you know I worked out today.
Scott: You worked out before game #15 and game #154.
LA: Don’t wanna over-do it. Baby steps. Next year, I’ll work out three times.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 252012
 

Scott: What does your workout consist of?
LA: Just gettin’ out of bed! That’s my warmup.
Scott: Then drinking coffee?
LA: Yup, that gets my heartrate goin’.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 252012
 

Scott: So you really work out?
LA: Yeah.
Scott: Is that why you didn’t have cake here in the booth?
LA: Yup. I had thirty cookies instead.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 252012
 

LA: Darin Ruf’s silent treatment after that home run was the longest I’ve ever seen. Aside from the silent treatment you game me when we first started working together.
Scott: There’s a lot of days I still don’t wanna talk to you.

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Sep 252012
 

LA: I had a briefcase full of over 200 pieces of sugar-free gum.

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Sep 262012
 

Scott: Ryan Howard was none too pleased when he was hit in his last at-bat.

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Sep 262012
 

JJ: For a while there, Ryan Zimmerman was throwing submarine-style, almost as if he had the yips.

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Sep 262012
 

LA: I didn’t even go to the cloud for that info.
Scott: That’s what we’ll be doing tomorrow night.
LA: Going to the cloud?
Scott: Going to the Cloyd!

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 282012
 

Scott: I’m not sure if that ball hit Mayberry on the shoulder when he dove.
LA: He may have over-dove.

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Sep 282012
 

LA: I don’t remember Michael Martinez playing centerfield last year. Then again, I don’t remember last week.

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Sep 282012
 

LA: This is actually a larger crowd than I thought it would be.
Scott: This game is not suffering from massive disinterest.

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Sep 282012
 

Scott: Mark Buehrle is batting .046. As a hitter, he’s a real good pitcher.

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Sep 282012
 

LA: Not a lot of offense in this scoreless game.
Scott: You are the best in the business.
LA: A casual observer probably wouldn’t even notice that.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Sep 302012
 

LA: All I’ve been doing today is running around getting things for people.

 Posted by at 1:00 am