LA: Scott Boras could convince somebody that a 2-4 record is a great [deal?] Kinda like Jason Werth is a steal for $126 million.
Scott: It’s always about you.
LA: And the Olympics.
Scott: Have you caught Olympic fever yet?
LA: In this booth [at Nationals Park], you’re so far away from the field that you might as well be in the blimp.
Scott: That would be cool.
Scott: And [catcher] Brown goes out to talk with [the pitcher] Jackson again.
LA: Just use a cell phone.
LA: Upton laid off a couple of good pitches. Didn’t even sniff at ‘em.
LA: Howard’s just not fast.
JJ: Has Sarge been in your pool? Might lose a lot of water.
LA: He won’t get in without floaties.
Scott: You and your tricks.
LA: Tricks are for kids.
Scott: My point exactly.
LA: “To register, go to– uh, Phillies.com.”
Scott: Phillies.com/JuniorPhilliesClub. Your card doesn’t have that?
LA: No. It just says, “To register, go to… blank.”
Scott: It’s a six-pack of chickens. Like a bucket. Sarge has got to be pleased.
Scott: Another stick chicken for the throw over to first by Joe Saunders. If he throws over there again, we’re gonna call him Colonel Saunders.
Scott: They list Zagurski as 6’0, 221lbs.
LA: That’s his lower half.
Scott: I don’t remember you predicting the Nationals to win the division.
LA: I told friends of mine in the offseason.
Scott: So I’m not your friend?… Kinda hurts me right here, Larry.
LA: I’ll be your friend this winter.
Scott: Can you write a haiku?
LA: I can do sudoku. And I used to wear high karate. (?)
Scott: It’s five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
LA: I can’t use words with seven syllables.
Scott: No, seven syllables per line.
LA: Heyward hit that ball real hard. That’s seven syllables.
LA: I’m no Edgar Allan Poe.
Scott: You guys [LA and JJ] sure made a mess of this scorebook [during a five-run fifth inning]. I had enough time to go buy Wheels a birthday gift, but I elected not to.
LA: That is one sad state of affairs down in Houston.
LA: I’m a firm believer in think long, think wrong.
LA: That doesn’t bode well.
Scott: The advertisement says, “Wear your acid-wash jeans and best flannel for 90s retro night.”
LA: Don’t bring your average flannel, or even your second-best flannel
Scott: That’s to imply you have more than one piece of flannel. I think all I’ve got are pajamas.
LA: I might have to get a Twitter account.
JJ: Does Matt Holliday have a nickname?
Scott: Today is sellout #1 in a row. Phils are back in the sellout column.
Scott: There are many ways I could have described that. Very few of them would allow me to keep my job.
LA: Why are we singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” if we’re already here?
LA: Do you have any rad gear? Do you know what that means? It’s like, rad, dude.
LA: I kinda went the wrong way on the bongo cam. I ran out of bongo space.
Scott: That pitch was heading for the fish tanks [in the backstop at Marlins Park].
LA: When you see the fish duckin’ and divin’, you know you have an errant pitcher.
Scott: They’re really into the game down there.
LA: They come from a good school.
Scott: Happy birthday to Juan Pierre. He says it’s not as big a deal as it used to be.
LA: Especially if you only have one per year!
Scott: That’s the way most of us operate, but not the case for all of us on the broadcast crew.
LA: I can’t find anything on Blanton since he’s been traded.
Scott: Where did you look?
LA: The newspaper, today.
Scott: Halladay was upset with that call. So was Kratz.
LA: Me too!
Scott: Well that’s no surprise.
Scott: Halladay steps into the box.
LA: This contestant is gonna enjoy the home-run payoff inning fun pack. Or fan pack?
Scott: Fun fan pack.
Scott: Halladay’s pitch is just wide, off the outside corner.
LA: Yeah right.
Scott: [Umpire] Tom Hallion is on the phone, and we can only assume he’s not calling out for Cuban sandwiches [in Miami].
LA: Go to comcastix.com for your tickets.
Scott: comcast tix dot com.
LA: All together though. Comcasttix isn’t a real word.
Scott: The Brewers can play defense however they want, but–
LA: They’re just not smart.
LA: They must not have the MLB At Bat 2012 app to find out Howard had achilles tendon surgery and can’t run very well. They’re holding him on at first base.
LA: Juan Pierre is a little bit faster than Howard. He said facetiously.
Scott: It goes without say, but the Phillies don’t have much speed on the bases right now.
LA: They got some base-cloggers.
LA: Scott, you just can’t beat fun at the ol’ ballyard.
Scott: Aoki’s shin guard flew off on his way to first, and I thought he was literally blowing a tire! Rubber shreds flying every which way.
Scott: Joe Gains has a very scientific way of picking the winner of the [Miller Field] sausage race. He just picks Polish every time.
Scott: I wouldn’t have corrected you, but, ya know…
LA: I know exactly what it is. It’s all about accuracy.
Scott: The eighth inning has been a dicey proposition all year long for the Phillies.
LA: Homer Bailey is 225 pounds. That’s only five pounds more than Sarge– what’s that look for, Sarge?
Scott: In case you couldn’t tell from the boos, Scott Rolen is up to bat.
LA: I don’t understand it.
Scott: That’s nothing new.
LA: I felt bad for Sarge.
Scott: No you didn’t. Not for a second.
Scott: You rarely feel bad for Sarge.
LA: I did the other day on the golf course.
Scott: I feared for his health.
LA: That was one of the most humid days I can remember in my life. And that goes back to last week.
Scott: As far as you can remember?
LA: That’s what I said — a business bank citizen’s person special.
LA: It’s a beautiful night tonight. Not a cloud in the sky that we can see here. Of course it’s dark, though.
Scott: For tonight’s 90s retro night, the Reds are wearing the wide, striped elastic waistbands.
LA: That’s for the guys who are somewhat physically challenged around the waistline. 220, 222 right around there. [link to previous Sarge weight quote]
Scott: The Phillies have given up as many home runs in the eighth as they have in the fourth, but obviously the eighth inning is a more critical juncture.
Scott: I have some good news for you. [Closer] Aroldis Chapman is not warming up yet.
LA: Bad news is [starter] Arroyo hasn’t hit the showers yet.
LA: When you go in there against Chapman, you have to gear up.
JJ: The eighth inning has become something of a Bermuda Triangle for the Phils.
LA: I’m allergic to rain.
LA: It stopped raining. Or is it invisimist? Yup, it’s invisimist. With binoculars, looking into the lights, you can see it.
LA: The Mets are reeling. At least the Phils have realt all year long.
Scott: Is that a new word?
LA: Just made it up.
Scott: Won’t last long.
Scott: Cash Horst is the second child named Cash by Phillies relievers that I can recall. Wasn’t there another one?
LA: No, that’s just what we call you: Big Glue.
Scott: Everybody’s a little bit tired in this fourth hour of the game.
LA: I know I am.
Scott: And you haven’t done anything.
Scott: If the Reds get out of this bases-loaded, no-out jam in the eleventh–
LA: I’m going home.
Scott: [Manager] Dusty Baker better make a stop in Atlantic City on his way back to Cincinnati.
JJ: The Phillies have an off-day on Monday after 17 straight games.
JJ: Are you speaking on behalf of the players or yourself?
LA: Me, of course! The players have it easy.
LA: The plate does have an inside corner.
LA: Gonzalez will be up due third next inning.
Scott: What does that mean, exactly?
Scott: The Nationals have re-signed Chad Tracy through next year.
LA: They love him on the bench — they love the way he sits there.
LA: Bryce Harper ranks seventh among rookies with a 2.42 range factor. Who makes this garbage up???!!! They just give guys like me something to complain about! Somebody’s got too much time on their hands, and somebody else is listenin’! Who found that? Where do you go to find that stuff?
Scott: We can go to the cloud and get all the info you need about range factor.
LA: Range factor is something new for arbitration which nobody knows anything about.
LA: Range factor is just another useless stat that most people have never heard of.
Scott: You lead all major league announcers in BSB: Baseball Stats Bitterness.
LA: “Start practicing your fake cough so you can get out of work and attend the Citizens Bank businessperson’s special.”
LA: They probably don’t want to use Josh Thole to pinch hit. He’s 0-for-18… 0-for-21, I’m sorry.
Scott: He’s getting worse!
LA: And he didn’t even do anything.
LA: This has become such a pull-happy team.
Scott: Jerry Lane was pointing to the sky with that strike call. As if to say, “I’m number one!”
LA: Well… nevermind. I don’t wanna get in trouble.
Scott: Oh, so now you say that.
LA: It’s not often when a ball bounces over your head in both directions.