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Aug 012012
 

LA: Scott Boras could convince somebody that a 2-4 record is a great [deal?] Kinda like Jason Werth is a steal for $126 million.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 012012
 

LA: In this booth [at Nationals Park], you’re so far away from the field that you might as well be in the blimp.
Scott: That would be cool.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 012012
 

Scott: And [catcher] Brown goes out to talk with [the pitcher] Jackson again.
LA: Just use a cell phone.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 042012
 

JJ: Has Sarge been in your pool? Might lose a lot of water.
LA: He won’t get in without floaties.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 042012
 

Scott: You and your tricks.
LA: Tricks are for kids.
Scott: My point exactly.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Aug 042012
 

LA: “To register, go to– uh, Phillies.com.”
Scott: Phillies.com/JuniorPhilliesClub. Your card doesn’t have that?
LA: No. It just says, “To register, go to… blank.”

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 042012
 

Scott: It’s a six-pack of chickens. Like a bucket. Sarge has got to be pleased.

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Aug 042012
 

Scott: Another stick chicken for the throw over to first by Joe Saunders. If he throws over there again, we’re gonna call him Colonel Saunders.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 042012
 

Scott: They list Zagurski as 6’0, 221lbs.
LA: That’s his lower half.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 062012
 

Scott: I don’t remember you predicting the Nationals to win the division.
LA: I told friends of mine in the offseason.
Scott: So I’m not your friend?… Kinda hurts me right here, Larry.
LA: I’ll be your friend this winter.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 062012
 

Scott: Can you write a haiku?
LA: I can do sudoku. And I used to wear high karate. (?)
Scott: It’s five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
LA: I can’t use words with seven syllables.
Scott: No, seven syllables per line.

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Aug 062012
 

LA: Heyward hit that ball real hard. That’s seven syllables.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 082012
 

Scott: You guys [LA and JJ] sure made a mess of this scorebook [during a five-run fifth inning]. I had enough time to go buy Wheels a birthday gift, but I elected not to.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Aug 102012
 

Scott: The advertisement says, “Wear your acid-wash jeans and best flannel for 90s retro night.”
LA: Don’t bring your average flannel, or even your second-best flannel
Scott: That’s to imply you have more than one piece of flannel. I think all I’ve got are pajamas.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 102012
 

JJ: Does Matt Holliday have a nickname?
LA: Christmas.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 112012
 

Scott: Today is sellout #1 in a row. Phils are back in the sellout column.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 112012
 

Scott: There are many ways I could have described that. Very few of them would allow me to keep my job.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 122012
 

LA: Do you have any rad gear? Do you know what that means? It’s like, rad, dude.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 122012
 

LA: I kinda went the wrong way on the bongo cam. I ran out of bongo space.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 132012
 

Scott: That pitch was heading for the fish tanks [in the backstop at Marlins Park].
LA: When you see the fish duckin’ and divin’, you know you have an errant pitcher.
Scott: They’re really into the game down there.
LA: They come from a good school.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 142012
 

Scott: Happy birthday to Juan Pierre. He says it’s not as big a deal as it used to be.
LA: Especially if you only have one per year!
Scott: That’s the way most of us operate, but not the case for all of us on the broadcast crew.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 142012
 

LA: I can’t find anything on Blanton since he’s been traded.
Scott: Where did you look?
LA: The newspaper, today.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 152012
 

Scott: Halladay was upset with that call. So was Kratz.
LA: Me too!
Scott: Well that’s no surprise.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 152012
 

Scott: Halladay steps into the box.
LA: This contestant is gonna enjoy the home-run payoff inning fun pack. Or fan pack?
Scott: Fun fan pack.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 152012
 

Scott: Halladay’s pitch is just wide, off the outside corner.
LA: Yeah right.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 152012
 

Scott: [Umpire] Tom Hallion is on the phone, and we can only assume he’s not calling out for Cuban sandwiches [in Miami].

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 152012
 

LA: Go to comcastix.com for your tickets.
Scott: comcast tix dot com.
LA: All together though. Comcasttix isn’t a real word.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: The Brewers can play defense however they want, but–
LA: They’re just not smart.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

LA: They must not have the MLB At Bat 2012 app to find out Howard had achilles tendon surgery and can’t run very well. They’re holding him on at first base.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

LA: Juan Pierre is a little bit faster than Howard. He said facetiously.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: It goes without say, but the Phillies don’t have much speed on the bases right now.
LA: They got some base-cloggers.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

LA: Scott, you just can’t beat fun at the ol’ ballyard.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: Aoki’s shin guard flew off on his way to first, and I thought he was literally blowing a tire! Rubber shreds flying every which way.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: Joe Gains has a very scientific way of picking the winner of the [Miller Field] sausage race. He just picks Polish every time.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: I wouldn’t have corrected you, but, ya know…
LA: I know exactly what it is. It’s all about accuracy.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 162012
 

Scott: The eighth inning has been a dicey proposition all year long for the Phillies.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

LA: Homer Bailey is 225 pounds. That’s only five pounds more than Sarge– what’s that look for, Sarge?

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

Scott: In case you couldn’t tell from the boos, Scott Rolen is up to bat.
LA: I don’t understand it.
Scott: That’s nothing new.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

LA: I felt bad for Sarge.
Scott: No you didn’t. Not for a second.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

Scott: You rarely feel bad for Sarge.
LA: I did the other day on the golf course.
Scott: I feared for his health.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

LA: That was one of the most humid days I can remember in my life. And that goes back to last week.
Scott: As far as you can remember?
LA: Yup.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

LA: That’s what I said — a business bank citizen’s person special.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 212012
 

LA: It’s a beautiful night tonight. Not a cloud in the sky that we can see here. Of course it’s dark, though.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 222012
 

Scott: For tonight’s 90s retro night, the Reds are wearing the wide, striped elastic waistbands.
LA: That’s for the guys who are somewhat physically challenged around the waistline. 220, 222 right around there. [link to previous Sarge weight quote]

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 222012
 

Scott: The Phillies have given up as many home runs in the eighth as they have in the fourth, but obviously the eighth inning is a more critical juncture.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 222012
 

Scott: I have some good news for you. [Closer] Aroldis Chapman is not warming up yet.
LA: Bad news is [starter] Arroyo hasn’t hit the showers yet.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 222012
 

LA: When you go in there against Chapman, you have to gear up.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 222012
 

JJ: The eighth inning has become something of a Bermuda Triangle for the Phils.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 232012
 

LA: It stopped raining. Or is it invisimist? Yup, it’s invisimist. With binoculars, looking into the lights, you can see it.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 232012
 

LA: The Mets are reeling. At least the Phils have realt all year long.
Scott: Is that a new word?
LA: Just made it up.
Scott: Won’t last long.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 232012
 

Scott: Cash Horst is the second child named Cash by Phillies relievers that I can recall. Wasn’t there another one?
LA: No, that’s just what we call you: Big Glue.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 232012
 

Scott: Everybody’s a little bit tired in this fourth hour of the game.
LA: I know I am.
Scott: And you haven’t done anything.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 232012
 

Scott: If the Reds get out of this bases-loaded, no-out jam in the eleventh–
LA: I’m going home.
Scott: [Manager] Dusty Baker better make a stop in Atlantic City on his way back to Cincinnati.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

JJ: The Phillies have an off-day on Monday after 17 straight games.
LA: Much-needed.
JJ: Are you speaking on behalf of the players or yourself?
LA: Me, of course! The players have it easy.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

LA: Gonzalez will be up due third next inning.
Scott: What does that mean, exactly?

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

Scott: The Nationals have re-signed Chad Tracy through next year.
LA: They love him on the bench — they love the way he sits there.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

LA: Bryce Harper ranks seventh among rookies with a 2.42 range factor. Who makes this garbage up???!!! They just give guys like me something to complain about! Somebody’s got too much time on their hands, and somebody else is listenin’! Who found that? Where do you go to find that stuff?

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

Scott: We can go to the cloud and get all the info you need about range factor.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

LA: Range factor is something new for arbitration which nobody knows anything about.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 252012
 

LA: Range factor is just another useless stat that most people have never heard of.
Scott: You lead all major league announcers in BSB: Baseball Stats Bitterness.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Aug 282012
 

LA: “Start practicing your fake cough so you can get out of work and attend the Citizens Bank businessperson’s special.”

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 282012
 

LA: They probably don’t want to use Josh Thole to pinch hit. He’s 0-for-18… 0-for-21, I’m sorry.
Scott: He’s getting worse!
LA: And he didn’t even do anything.

 Posted by at 1:00 am
Aug 292012
 

Scott: Jerry Lane was pointing to the sky with that strike call. As if to say, “I’m number one!”
LA: Well… nevermind. I don’t wanna get in trouble.
Scott: Oh, so now you say that.

 Posted by at 1:00 am

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Aug 302012
 

LA: It’s not often when a ball bounces over your head in both directions.

 Posted by at 1:00 am