Scott: Fans are booing.
LA: They don’t boo in Disney.
Scott: Phillies fans.
Scott: Fans are booing.
Scott: Fans are booing.
LA: They don’t boo in Disney.
Scott: Phillies fans.
LA: Ya know, it was Daylight Savings again last night.
Scott: Was it?
LA: Either that or it was leap hour.
LA: I do have Mickey Mouse ears.
LA: I wear it around the house.
Scott: To scare the dog?
LA: I look good in it. Especially when I wore that shirt I wore yesterday.
Scott: The drapes from the Hampton Inn?
LA: We got a big fly coming right here, just so you know.
Scott: I gotta check my phone. I think we got a caller.
LA: Yeah, it’s a long distance call. See if I need more spring training or not.
Scott: So that puts [Ruiz] at an even .500 this spring, 22-for-44.
LA: Man, talk about en fuego… That means hot.
Scott: One of the minor leaguers went running out. Youthful exuberance!
LA: What was that?
Scott: I have no idea.
LA: Sounds like somebody held up a bucket of chicken in front of Sarge!
Scott: He’s your friend! He’s sitting right here!
LA: He makes that same sound. It did! It sounded like a seal at SeaWorld waitin’ for a fish or sumthin’.
LA: That appeared to me to be a “let’s get this game over with” call.
LA: You like Oprah?
Scott: Can’t seem to figure out how to change the channel.
LA: There’s a little button that says “Channel” on it.
LA: My whole box of pens just dumped.
Scott: Our listeners at home have no idea how much fun it was to watch Larry try to teach Sarge how to score on an iPad.
Scott: Not too many big leaguers can say they spent their first year in the major leagues sleeping in the bed they had as a kid.
LA: Really. Lucky!
LA: [Sarge] thought he was gonna have to go to the Apple store to get the apps. He thought it was short for Apple. I tried to give him directions to the “app” store.
LA: I am absolutely the farthest thing from an expert.
Scott: There’s been a lot of times in the last few years where I’ve seen you come close to actually breaking the equipment.
LA: Are you talking about when I took my fist and smashed my computer yesterday?
Scott: Right, it’s that sort of reaction that leads me to believe you don’t actually know what you’re doing.
LA: You also realize I’m not very strong, because it didn’t bother the comptuer at all.
Scott: So when you leaned over Sarge, and said, “Yeah, well what you need to do is, you–” I just had to leave the room. I couldn’t even stand to watch that train wreck about to happen.
JJ: So did you enjoy Clearwater?
LA: It’s the most beautiful spring I can remember there. I can’t remember last year, but it’s the best spring I can remember.
JJ: Ya know, I thought you said that last year, about this time.
Scott: That steel trap’s a little rusty these days.
LA: Ooh, that saltwater.
Scott: Corrosive. Especially when you combine it with lime.
LA: They got big glue.
Scott: Probably most of them are like you. They’re working each and every day with two iPads at their disposal.
LA: Did you see the red Phanatic?
Scott: I did! Not too closely, though, which is the preferred way to see him, because you see him but don’t smell him.
LA: I’m glad I don’t have to make the decisions, though, that’s for sure.
Scott: Well I’m glad you don’t have to make the decisions, either, cuz I don’t think the Phillies would be as good of a team if you were doing the decision-making.
LA: But they’d have a lot of fun!
Scott: Were you a Boy Scout?
LA: No. I wanted to be. I was having trouble with those badges. You had to win badges.
Scott: Didn’t know how to tie knots and such? That’s why you have nothing but slip-on and velcro shoes, right?
LA: [McCutchen] can boogie with that bat.
LA: As a hitter, you’re not thinking about, “Well, let me stay in here and make sure this thing breaks,” and you take one off the squash.
Scott: Here at Citizens Bank Park, opponents hit .209 against Hamels.
LA: That’s stupid good.
LA: We both look like we just pulled our shirts out of our wallet.
LA: Here’s where he has to load up on his backside. Grip it and rip it.
Scott: That’s what we were all saying to you about an hour ago, because it was pasta night here in the press land.
LA: What? Grip it and rip it?
Scott: No, load up.
Scott: Poor Sarge. He’s taking a beating here these days.
LA: It’s not right.
Scott: He’s still lookin’ to try and figure out how to get to the app store.
LA: [Jimmy Rollins] might go yard here right here.
Scott: He might? That’s a pretty definitive statement.
LA: We got static on the line. Can’t get a clear signal for that long distance call.
Scott: Hopefully it’ll be better than the first long distance call you made this year. That didn’t work out so well.
Scott: [Laughing uncontrollably]
LA: He’s really just throwing some lumber this spring.
Scott: Pence looked like he was ready to go over there and goose him!
Scott: By the way, Bastardo is hitting seventh, if you’re scoring at home. Or if you’re scoring just to my left. Are you still scoring?
Scott: Earlier tonight, Larry, in o
Montage (13 sec):
Scott: Beautiful day here in Pittsburgh. A little on the chilly side, especially if you didn’t bring a coat.
LA: Some people just aren’t smart.
Scott: Charlie’s getting pretty angry here with Larry Vanover, who gives him a little bit of rope here in the opener.
LA: I mean, that was, no question, a blown call.
LA: Man, right out of the shoot–
Scott: Now, come on.
LA: Right out of the shoot, Wigginton makes an out.
Scott: Another good call, right?
Scott: [Galvis] still wears the pant legs just below the knee, as he’s done throughout his career as a Phillies minor-leaguer, where it’s standard issue to pull those socks up high.
Scott: Barajas, Barmes, and Bedard.
LA: The three B’s. The killer B’s!
Scott: Not exactly marquee names.
Scott: [Pedro Alvarez] fanned 80 times in 230 at-bats.
Scott: Well it’s taken about five months, but this is the inning you’ve been waiting for.
LA: You know I’ve been waitin’ for this.
LA: I’m kinda surprised we didn’t see the leap frogs(?), or a fly-over or something like that today. Usually there’s something on Opening Day like that.
Scott: Even maybe a boat-by.
Scott: We didn’t even have to tape [your announcement card] to your forehead.
LA: No, but the fact I thought of taping it to my head I think helped.
Scott: Larry, a chronic forgetter of the read — the drop-in.
Scott: Mayberry, at 6′ 6″, he gets out there to the wall, he can just reach over and grab some nachos or something. It’s only six feet high out there in left.
Scott: So Ruiz, who had the big spring, starts the season 2-for-2. He’s hitting two thousand, Larry!
LA: I wish I had a better signal up here. I might try and make a long distance call for Shane Victorino. It’s kinda gettin’ interrupted. I’m not getting a clear line. Now we’ve got a caller! Calling long distance for Shane Victorino on this 3-1 pitch.
Scott: Are there people down there chanting Larry?
LA: That’s what I thought. I guess they must still have adult beverage sales going on.
Scott: Or they shut ‘em down and they know you might have extra.
Scott: And Chooch has his third hit of the day. He’s 3-for-3. He’s hitting three thousand, Larry!
Scott: And Lee wants a new baseball.
LA: He just throws it out. He’s had enough of that ball.
Scott: Nobody wants a poor quality baseball, Larry.
Scott: Phillies one–
LA: They did?
Scott: And the Pirates nothing. Don’t get ahead of yourself here, Larry.
LA: …order now at Phillies.com.
Scott: Need some tape?
LA: You forgot to tape [the cue card] to my forehead. No wonder there’s so much dead air time!
Scott: McCutchen swings and pops one up a mile high. In fact, it’s even higher than we are. We are on the very top rung of [PNC Park].
LA: [Victorino] took about three steps in the one spot before he even moved.
Scott: That was like a cartoon character starting his car, right. His feet just kept spinning in–
Scott: Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop!
LA: Halladay threw 92 [pitches] in his first outing. Did I say 92 or 72?
Scott: You said 92.
LA: If I didn’t, that’s what I meant. And if I did, that’s also what I meant.
LA: I thought it was going to be a deep fly ball to left. [Shortstop] Rollins hardly moved.
Scott: That’s why I try to use non-committal phrasing. “It’s lifted in the air.” How generic can that be?
LA: Leading off the inning, even if [Thome] gets on, he’ll clog the bases a little.
Scott: Well [the Phillies] were without Jamie Moyer for a year, but they now have a player who wears the stirrup socks again — Juan Pierre.
LA: Old school.
Scott: It’s not exactly a hittin’ clinic we’re watching here the last two days.
Montage (16 sec):
Scott: The clouds have rolled in. Crowds have rolled out.
LA:: And it’s easy to play [the Home Run Payoff by the Daily News], Scott.
Scott: Just look in the Daily News, Larry.
LA: Is he looking for Easter eggs out there?
Scott: Now wait a minute, now you would have loved to have .091 [batting average] a couple years I’m sure, right?
LA: Oh, no.
Scott: I figured anything above “O” would be good for you.
LA: He hit it just bad enough, [Alex Presley] said.
Scott: When he was asked whether it was the best worst hit he ever had, he said no, I’ve had worse.
LA: When [Vance Worley] got in trouble, he didn’t get flustered, he didn’t come out of his game.
Scott: Didn’t get flusterated.
Scott: And time is called, as Bastardo goes ahead and delivers home.
LA: If you’re gonna throw it, throw at the hitter. It’s a pre-plunk.
Scott: PNC Park remains a house of horrors for the Phils.
Montage (19 sec):
LA: I’m a technological wizard.
Scott: Hamels, in fact, started his wind, and then stopped.
LA: Well he was about half-way to first base when the wind got done with him.
LA: They’re not really hittin’ the ball hard right yet.
Scott: Right yet?
LA: Right yet. That’s because I know they’re gonna hit soon.
Scott: They just haven’t done it right yet.
LA: Right yet.
Scott: What era would you call that? Early twentieth century?
LA: Bonnie and Clyde. That’s what it looked like. It looked like they came right from the movie.
Scott: It was Clyde, and Clyde, and Clyde, and Clyde, the way I saw it.
LA: Bonnie was late, okay?
Montage (21 sec):
LA: I really don’t understand it that much.
LA: I couldn’t tell if [the wind] was goin’ out or in!
Scott: Cuz it was pointing right at ya. That’s always the toughest one for the outfielder to judge.
LA: That’s always the toughest for the broadcaster to judge, when the flag is pointing right at ya.
Scott: It’s an avalanche!
LA: It is. It’s a juggernaut.
Crowd: Fredd-y! Fredd-y! Fredd-y!
Scott: They don’t know how to say his last name, but his first name, they got it right.
LA: It’s done.
Scott: What do you mean, “It’s done?”
LA: It’s done. I don’t know how to edit [the electronic scorecard].
Scott: Perhaps there’s an online tutorial to help you.
LA: “Follow the Phillies with the MLB.com At Bat ’12 app for your iPhone, iPad, iDroid– Android–” That’s what Sarge has. I think he has the iDroid.
Scott: He’s not gonna start looking for the iDroid store, is he?
Scott: His ERA would be infinity.
LA: That guy’s good at that.
Scott: He is really good at the walk-off hit-by-pitch.
Montage (23 sec):
Scott: We’re all set up for a three-hour, forty-seven-minute game.
LA: The right knee for the left-fielder, right? I mean, correct?
Scott: The left knee for the right-fielder.
LA: He didn’t move his glove. That’s just a botched call.
LA: “… live online and on your favorite devices in H– HD– HD quality.
Scott: Whaddaya got there, pal?
LA: Just making sure it’s not double high def quality. It’s HD and not HHD.
Scott: A ruckus down below us. Smiley the Hatfield Pig is here.
LA: Why does this counter always shake at the start of the innings before I read something?
Scott: Cuz the Phanatic’s running by with a pan-load of hot dogs.
Scott: And Larry Andersen will announce our next contestant in the Home Run Payoff inning. Who’s he batting for Larry?
LA: Leon Schokiddinoger.
Scott: What was that name again?
LA: Leon Schokiddininoger. Him. He knows who he is, in Collingswood.
LA: I don’t know why T-Mac just doesn’t sign his hat.
Scott: I don’t understand why Tom’s dad doesn’t ask him later on, like when he sees him tonight.
LA: They’re not gonna– he’s not gonna throw a whole– they’re gonna– not gonna force him outta the game– not gonna get the bullpen early doin’ a lot of first-pitch swinging.
Scott: What are you tryin’ to say?
LA: Ya know.
LA: That’s a really hard one to miss… That’s well in fair territory.
Scott: In Bill Welke’s defense, he’s making that call at full speed.
LA: Bill Welke wasn’t at full speed.
Scott: Double play and the ballgame’s over. And the pitch, swung on, grounded toward short, Rollins up with it, feeds Galvis — one — relay to first — in time, a double play, and the game is over!
LA: Nice call partner!
Scott: Phillies a three-to-one win tonight over the Florida Mar– the Miami Marlins– I did it! I finally did it! Game three, almost got outta here!
LA: So close!
Montage (41 sec):
LA: Once the ball got out there he realized he was not gonna catch it.
Scott: Again, it goes 3-1-6-4 is the putout. And that’s something you don’t see every day.